Wait… What?

A few years ago (3 I think) I briefly dated this guy. He’s a good guy and we’ve kept in contact through Facebook these years, but we just never “clicked”. Or at least I didn’t “click”. I called it off back then because he seemed a lot more interested than I ever was, and it didn’t seem fair to continue dating when I knew we weren’t on the same page.

Then some time ago he sent me a message where he basically asked me if I want to be friends with benefits. Wait.. what?

I don’t know if it’s me, but it’s not something I’d put out there like that. I’m not sure whether to be shocked or impressed by his bravery. In some way I expect it’s a brave thing to ask someone (he’s not exactly a “player”), but at the same time I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

While I guess you could say I already have a friend with benefits, it’s not a practice I generally believe in. (I just kind of fell into the current one..) I think it’s incredibly difficult to keep feelings and physical closeness apart, personally. Others may not have this problem, but I know I do (and I expect the guy who asked me would as well). So I tried to respectfully decline his offer as nicely as I could (since he’s a nice guy and I didn’t want to hurt him).

A friend of mine had a different view on the whole friends with benefits thing, which interested me. In her eyes it was basically a rude thing to ask because to her it’s like someone saying you’re not good enough to be in a relationship with, but good enough to bang. Which I guess is a fair point to a certain extent.

I’m not sure what I believe myself. What do you guys think about friends with benefits? Good? Bad? Undecided?

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8 Responses to Wait… What?

  1. Tania says:

    Tried it, lost my best friend for months and forever altered the relationship, cried until I was sick, still struggle with feelings of “not good enough,” rejection, and resentment, and intensely regret the entire thing. Would not do again.

    But it works for some people!

    • Em says:

      Yeah, I’ve talked to some people that it seemed to work for as well – but I think equally many have been hurt over it. I think it’s easy to think that you can keep feelings out of it, but it’s a lot harder in practice. Everyone’s different though, and I guess for some it works. We’re just not those people I guess :)

  2. Hannah says:

    That guy is such a weirdo!!

    I think the friends with benefits thing is OK if both have the same idea of the “relationship.” But I guess it can easily get complicated if one of the “friends” wants to be something more. I think it depends on the people involved.

  3. Aaron says:

    Thought I knew what I was getting into to, I had heard all the cliche’s and warnings countless times before (from other friends and TV shows), with just about everyone saying that it is a bad idea and that someone always gets hurt. But I just figured that my friend and I were cooler then all that.

    Yeah… it doesn’t work, no matter how ‘strong’ or ‘casual’ you see yourselves. We now no longer speak.

    If they are someone you would be sad to lose, then just don’t do it. On the other hand if the idea of losing them as a friend doesn’t really phase you both, then sure go for it if that’s what you want.

    • Em says:

      The guy who asked me I definitely won’t be getting into any friends with benefits deal with. While we’re not *that* close friends that it’d be devastating for our friendship, I’m just not that attracted to him. It’s a shame I guess, cause he’s a good guy – but sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there.

      Ps Your site gives me a malware warning for some reason :S

      • Aaron says:

        Haha well, obviously the point of friends-with-benefits isn’t for the emotional side of it thus only leaving the physical enjoyment, and if even that isn’t there then yeah…

        Thanks for letting me know, you are the forth person in the last two weeks to tell me that… time to look into it thoroughly! Although people who have ignored the warnings and read the site anyway haven’t reported any problems. Try it again soon? lol

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