Where’d time go?

Okay, so suddenly it’s… I don’t even want to count. A lot of days later. The rehabilitation thing I’m doing is draining all my energy and I pretty much come home in the afternoon and crash for a few hours.

I’m four weeks in now, starting week five tomorrow. So nearly half way. I have to admit though, that while I’m not going to quit, but see it through… I don’t really see how this will help me.

Sure, the physiotherapy bits are nice. Always useful. The relaxation exercises are okay as well. But this Mindfulness thing… I don’t know. I just don’t think it’s for me. The first time we had it, they handed everyone a raisin and then asked us to feel it. Touch it. Roll it around our fingers. Smell it. Listen to it.

Yes. You read that right. They asked us to listen to a raisin.

I get the idea that Mindfulness is about being in the here and now. But really, listen to a raisin? All I could think about was where the candid camera was.

Then there’s the “art” bits. Where they most often tell us a word and we have to make something, either from clay or on paper, that we think of. Usually in very little time. Or when we had do draw a rug with colours for all the things we did in a day.

I realise that they want you to have some sort of “A-ha!” moment. Some self-realisation or something. But I’m not. I already know that I’m tired and that my days are filled with not doing much, but worrying about all the things I wanted to do or feel I should do. I’m not learning anything I don’t already know.

Painting a picture about how tired I am doesn’t make me less tired. Really.

As I said, the physiotherapy is quite okay. Except when they over-do it. I can do a bit, but if I do too much my fibromyalgia acts up and I end up having a lot of pain. Last week they took us outside and had us walking around for hour and a half. By the end I wasn’t sure I was going to make it back to the hospital, I was in so much pain.

Which I find odd. They’ve had these courses before. Most of the people there suffer from long-term pain. Why is it they can’t figure out that a 90 minute walk may not be the best idea?

Sorry for all the whining. I just needed to vent a little.

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2 Responses to Where’d time go?

  1. Tania says:

    I think the colour of tiredness would be wide swathes of different shades of blue in watercolour, bleeding into each other. I don’t know why I think that, but that’s the image that comes into my head when I think about being asked to paint how tired feels.

    But listening to a raisin? Raisins aren’t sea shells. That seems way too hippie-dippy for me.

  2. Empty_Boat says:

    Keep it up Em. I’m sure it will help you.. I have to tell you, you are very courageous and optimistic. If I were in your place I would have given up long back..

    Reading and following a lot about spirituality stuff, I can understand what they mean by “Listen to the raisin” :) They want you to connect with the raisin (or any other object or life). But you are right, I am wondering too, how is it going to help you relieve your pain.

    I would recommend alternative medicine and techniques – Ayurveda, Yoga. I know one doctor of Ayurveda who really helped me cure my Asthama. His name is Dr. Pankaj Naram.

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