“Confession Time”

I have a secret. Sort of.

It’s one of those things you just generally don’t tell people about because it’s still a bit “odd”. Basically.. I have a thing (I don’t know how else to describe it) with a person I’ve never actually met in person.

We’ve been chatting online for over three years, talking on Skype almost every evening. (Only evenings we haven’t is when either of us is have been away from home/occupied.)

Now we’re finally planning to meet. In two or three weeks (the exact date is yet to be set). And I’m completely freaking out.

Don’t get me wrong, I really want to meet this guy. After all, I’ve been talking with him for over three years now and I feel like I know him. But it’s still very scary. Physical presence is quite another deal to chatting online or on Skype.

I don’t know what I expect will happen when we meet, but I know I worry about it. All of the things I don’t like about myself suddenly seem extra evident, and I’m afraid he’ll take one look at me and run the other direction.

Now, he’s seen photos of me of course. But let’s be honest here, photos are never quite the same thing as the reality.

And so I worry. And fret. Through all of this, a small part of me is hoping that everything will go well, and that he’ll like me as I am. But for the most part I just worry and fret.

All of those little insecurities that you have about your body suddenly seem a lot bigger than normal. And I have a lot of things that I consider wrong with my body. The biggest though is probably the fact that I’m not a small girl by any means – and I’m terrified.

There are other things as well though, like the big, ugly scars on my left leg after I broke it a couple of years back. (He knows about them though obviously, since we were already talking when it happened.) But he’s never really seen them in all their “glory”.

I’m trying not to look to harshly at myself though. I want to just meet him and enjoy his company. No matter what, we are good friends, and we should have a good time meeting whether he finds me attractive or not.

Has anyone else ever met someone off the internet? Were you nervous?

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8 Responses to “Confession Time”

  1. Sophie_Rach says:

    Hey hey.
    Firstly – those feelings won’t go away. The only way to truly get rid of them? Send him a picture of yourself totally naked. Trust me it works.
    I’m going under the presumption that’s *probably* not a viable possibility however so I’ll offer up my coping strategy:
    1. Wear old clothes. Ie, don’t buy something new for the occasion. You won’t be sure of how you look. Wear something you know people have said you look good in.
    2. Get a really good bra. A good cleavage works wonders for the self esteem.
    3. Take something to occupy yourself – book, phone, something, anything, that will distract you enough to make the time pass.
    4. Don’t be too ridiculously early, I know it’s hard but try!
    5. Get a really good night’s sleep beforehand – just go to bed at your normal time!
    6. Tell him you’ll be nervous. He will know then and the awkward silences will be at a minimum!

    I’ve met a lot of people from the internet – friends, guys that have turned into boyfriends and guys that have turned into one night stands.

    You’ll be fine – just enjoy it and enjoy whatever happens – go with the flow!

    Best of luck!

    • Em says:

      There have been plenty of photos during three years, so I’d like to think it won’t be a total surprise to him how I look *lol* But I still think there’s a big difference between reality and photos (you just can never quite grasp the size of things on a photo.. kind of like the Eiffel Tower.. it looks big on photos but once you see it for real it is HUGE! While ironically the Statue of Liberty seems huge on photos/in movies and is actually quite a disappointment size wise once you see it.)

      He’s actually picked out the dress he thinks I should wear *lol* It’s something I bought this summer and wore when I was in Spain, but I suspect that by the time we meet it’ll be too cold so I may have to find something else now. You make a good point about finding something I feel comfortable in though! Cleavage is a nice idea too – there’s nothing like distracting onlookers from looking at the other parts of my body LOL

  2. Hannah says:

    It’s gonna be great, I’m sure of it! If not, he probably is a jerk anyhow!

    I’ve met a couple of guys I’ve met on the internet (and so have you, remember?!) and I’ve always been very nervous, but it turned out fine.

    Good luck!

    • Em says:

      Yes, I’ve met several people by now that I first met online (remember my good friend Angi? she and I met online first before I eventually hiked off to Florida to meet her *lol*) But it’s different now somehow. Maybe because I’m older and wiser (and uglier LOL!)

  3. Ok – wow! You know what I’m going to say, having met & married my Prince Charming from the interwebz in a year and a week… But I’m going to be boring and sensible first… Three years is a looooooong time to get to know someone and to build up a ‘picture’ of how you think they are. And vice versa. However, three years is a loooooooong time to talk and not get bored! Fundamentally, after all this time, you must have stuff in common. A lot of stuff. Himself and I had talked… once before we met. Granted, that was a six hour phone call, but it was only the once (he drove down the next evening…) But from that one conversation (and from his blog) I knew that we could talk, so if all else failed, I’d have a new friend. And new friends are ftw!

    We’d also done the photo exchange – candid ones. By which I mean ‘honest’ not…. ummm ‘dodgy’. Ok, moving on… We both knew what we were getting looks-wise. I REALLY had to fight the temptation to send him a glam one where I had nice hair and make-up because I basically only look like that rarely. So I frantically piled through all my photos trying to find one where I a) didn’t look like a complete mess, b) didn’t look unrealistically glam, c) didn’t have masses of kids/family/exes in them, or, the real killer, d) were wedding photos! It was harder than you might think :) I’m sure that you’ve done this as well. Scars etc – would you mind if he had them? No, of course you wouldn’t, so he won’t mind either!

    Have you Skyped with webcam? Because then you’ll get some idea of his body language and stuff…?

    Was I nervous? Oh hell yeah. Very, very nervous. Because I liked him SO much from the conversation we’d had. We’d clicked so well on an, excuse the pretentiousness, ‘intellectual’ level, I thought it was just clear that we wouldn’t have the ‘x’ factor physically, by which I mean how he ‘felt’ rather than how he looked. I’m not sure I’m making sense… You know how you can find someone physically attractive in the abstract but not in the actuality? That thing that’s just impossible to put into words but it the difference between ‘hug me and kiss me’ and ‘just hug me’? That.

    I’m not sure how nervous he was – hang on, I’ma check now *pause* he said “God yes! Tremendously! Surely you knew that???” But we’d talked ONCE. And, in all honesty, the reason we met up straight away (so to speak) was because we both felt a bit ‘ok, wanna know NOW if this is going somewhere (because we want it to!)’ because there was such a… a thing. A connection. And yeah – what can I say – it worked! Himself says that I should counsel you against meeting up with men you meet online because you’re liable to end up in love, married, about to buy a house together… oh wait, that’s all good stuff :D

    Oh Em, I’m so excited for you! Just, I dunno, be you (because, as I’ve said before, I think you’re lovely) and have a good time. Even if nothing (in *that* way) happens, won’t it be great to have met up after all this time? And omg – let us know how it goes!

    Sending you *hugs* and calm thoughts and stuff! xxx

    • Em says:

      We probably would have met earlier, but there have been reasons why we haven’t. Logistical reasons is one, and probably the major component, combined with having difficulties getting enough time off to actually be able to go somewhere.

      At this point, as I was saying in an earlier comment, there have been plenty of photos of various kinds since we have each other on facebook and there’s always those horrible ones that your friends/family tag of you that you rather they didn’t. Combined with what he can get hold on off this blog when he remembers the URL (*lol*) We used to do some videocalls on Skype until I moved apartments at some point and misplaced my cam.

      And you’re right, even if nothing happens it’ll be great to finally have met after all this time – and we’ve both agreed that no matter what happens we’ll still be good friends. If we weren’t I doubt we’d have continued talking for this long *lol* I’m still nervous though, but I guess that comes with the territory – I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay if we end up as friends – it’ll still be worth it. I really need to learn to feel more secure about how I look these days though (I gained a lot of weight after I got sick, and I’m feeling ashamed about it for the most part). Time for some self loving!

  4. Zoe says:

    I knew my love a long time before I got into internet gaming and before I got ill. I was a lot slimmer back then, and joining up on the wow community I never let on how I look.
    One guy fell for me completely, before any photos, before even hearing my voice, just by the way I acted and the way we chatted. I already had my partner, but it was a definite confidence boost to know other guys liked me lol! He has since seen pics of me from back then and admitted I was hot… But then cancer hit and yeah, lets just say I’m no model now!!! Little and cuddley is how I’m described unfortunately…. But he likes me anyway? Confused me like anything… I have met up with him now, and I love him to bits, but not in a romantic way, more as like a big brother (well he is younger than me but bigger lol!) and although I know he did fancy me, he wouldn’t ever come between my man and I! I was SO SO SO SO nervous when meeting him at the airport, that I managed to break the ice by crying when he hugged me xD So, you can’t get much more embarrassed than that :P and then when he just told me I was stupid and gave me waffles I cheered up and we had one of the best weekends ever (A gaming LAN meet up thingy)!

    All I can suggest is just go for it, show the cleavage, have fun and be your normal bubbly self!
    And if you are too nervous you will do something stupid and then realise that he won’t care anyway! So just don’t worry!

    • Em says:

      It wouldn’t surprise me if I did the crying thing *lol* I’m an emotional wreck at times ;)

      I always wanted to do a gaming meet up thing, preferably a guild meeting. It would be so much fun to meet the guys I’ve been playing with in WoW for such a long time. We’re just all from so many countries, but maybe one day. Or at least I could pick one country and meet the ones there *lol*

      That’s a sweet story with your friend. I love the waffles bit. Gotta love a man who gives you waffles!

      I love how everyone is suggesting cleavage LOL

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