Bad Luck?

There are times when I think I’m haunted with bad luck. Ever since I first got sick (several years ago now) it seems to be one hassle after another. One problem after another. I’m not joking. The last few years, not counting the working on getting better from my burn-out and being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome I have (in no particular order):

- Broken my leg badly (both bones in the lower left leg pretty much entirely off, and will have means for the rest of my life)
- Had my car stolen.
- Argued with about every government agency in Sweden because apparently you can’t as a Swede move back to Sweden, the country where you grew up and lived the majority of your life, and expect to get any help at all.
-  Had a punctured tyre on my car twice.
- Had the new camera I got from my aunt stolen from inside my car (so window was broken as well).

Those are a few of the things. So maybe you can understand that some days it just ends up being too much. Tuesday this week was one of those days.

The days prior to Tuesday I’d had a couple of other things going on; I dropped my phone (it fell out of my pocket) and it’s completely cracked. Not something I can afford to get fixed. It was also confirmed that “he” cannot get any time off for the rest of the year, so our next visit will have to be put on hold until later.

Now, to explain my situation a little – my last day of work was 31 September. It was also the last time I got a salary. After that my unemployment benefits are meant to kick in, but this took some time – and it also turned out that for the first 10 days you get nothing.

I was lucky and got around €340 in October from my old job – it was holiday pay and similar things that they hadn’t paid out yet. I used that money to pay for bills and food, planning to use the unemployment benefits to pay for the rent. The benefits finally arrived about halfway into November and I could pay my rent (or most of it, I had to make an arrangement with my landlord for the remaining bit).

Then at the end of November I found out that my unemployment benefits are a bit out of sync at the start, and again I’ll only receive about half. So I got about €400 at the end of November. I had to use this to pay my regular bills and buy food. In Sweden you can apply for help to pay your bills if you can’t afford it yourself. It’s not something I like to do (which is why I never did in October), and I am not proud of it. That said, I’m glad something like this exists.

Since I had no money spare for rent I went there and I applied. Problem is, that when they look at my bank statements they see the “late” unemployment benefit for October that arrived in November – and they count that. It doesn’t matter to them that I paid a previous month’s rent with it, and that I still have one outstanding rent to pay. I had enough money in November.

So Tuesday I got the letter with their decision. They’re giving me €11.

Yep.. 11 euros. The remaining 409 that I need for my rent (my rent is 420) I apparently have to magically make appear. Or as they wrote in the letter, “If Emelie feels that she can’t pay the rent in time she should approach the land lord regarding a payment plan.”

That sentence I find rude for two reasons. 1) By the time I even met with them my rent was already 2 days late, and they knew that. 2) A payment plan? With what money would that be? Even if I get a full unemployment benefit next month it’s maybe 800, half of that goes to rent straight off. The rest is for bills and food. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to pay off an extra 420.

The €11 feels a bit like a slap in the face. Really, they could have kept their  €11 and just said, sorry can’t help you. What am I supposed to do with €11?

The fact that I only had 340 the previous month (not even enough to pay the rent) according to the bank statements obviously doesn’t matter. The fact that I had two rents to pay in November doesn’t matter (since I had to pay it late, due to the money coming late).

I guess I’m supposed to just find money somewhere. So much for holiday cheer. I’ve been worrying about how I’m going to find the money to buy Christmas gifts for my siblings. I guess now I can stop worrying about that, because I can’t even afford to pay the rent.

Sorry about the complaining, but I wanted to explain the message on Tuesday. It was just the final straw for me, and I had an anxiety attack. I sat there and I just couldn’t stop crying while trying to figure out how the hell I was going to pay my rent. (I had about 30 in my bank account at the time.)

Ironically I hate whining, but it seems it’s all I do lately – and for that I apologise. I will try to write some more cheery messages soon.

My cracked phone :(

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5 Responses to Bad Luck?

  1. Hannah says:

    Oh! :( I know it feels like you have, and have had, the worst luck in the world. I kinda have to agree with this. I know you’re having a difficult time and that it seems as if things will never change and get better. I know they will. I don’t know when, but I’m sure they will. Let’s hope one of us will win the lottery! ;)

    I know it sounds a little silly, but I always find that writing a blog post about the things I am happy about kinda helps to make me feel better. It’s just an idea on how to see some of the positive things in your life. As I said, I know you’re going through a rough time, but not everything in your life is negative or bad. Sometimes one forgets that and everything seems dark and bad. Just a thought! :)

    Love you! <3

    • Em says:

      Lottery sounds awesome ;)

      And yes, not everything is crap. It’s just some days it feels like it, and at times you just gotta let it out I guess. I’ll try to write a more positive post soon, listing the good things instead. :)

  2. Alq` says:

    *sends hugs, lots and lots of hugs*

    Ow. That’s a lot of crap to pack into a space of time. And there is nothing wrong with screaming now and again to let it all out. My fingers are crossed that your luck improves and good things head your way.

    • Em says:

      Thank you for your kind words. I think that’s just it, sometimes it just gets a bit much and you have to take a moment and scream. Now I’m calmed down a bit, and I will try to focus on the good things instead :)

  3. One can not be named, described or spoken of says:

    You are brave Em, and high spirited.. I believe that everything is meant for a reason.. this days are bad … but you will get thru all this…

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